Making friends with mean people

Today I had to deal with someone I really really don't like. Someone who is overbearing, manipulative, reactionary, and in my opinion very shallow. I have managed in my life to get along for the most part with most people. The people who most people find annoying or irritating were usually the people I ended up making friends with. The people who were just "a little too much" or someone who many people say they could only take in "small doses" were usually the people I found the most interesting and wanted most to be around. I even thought Jar-Jar Binks was cute, and not annoying in the slightest (while Anakin with his "what does this button do" and "lets try spinning -its a cool trick" means of saving the day was utter B.S. that was incredibly irritating). So I am always caught by surprise when I encounter someone that really bothers me, who I really cannot stand, and who I actively avoid being around. Of course I know they exist, my grandmother is one of them, but the response I have to her is more based on personal history and less based on personality issues (though I certainly find her personal philosophy, values etc. detestable to say the least).

Then there was this other person I hung out with today (whose name I can't share) who is just really really awesome. Nothing seems to bother her. Someone being mean or disrespectful to her just completely rolls off of her. Meanwhile she's creative, optimistic, passionate, and just a really happy, cool person. I see people say mean things to her, and its like she doesn't even know that they are mean. And I am certainly not going to tell her they are. I don't know if it is an "ignorance is bliss" sort of thing or if she knows and just really doesn't care. Which makes me wonder why I care. Its not like that particular person mentioned above has any bearing or real impact on my life. Its not like I have to deal with them everyday, nor that I would ever take their comments with any seriousness. So why do I care if they are being disrespectful, underhanded, manipulative, or even mean?

So I hung out with someone today who seems to have the rare talent of being able to make friends with mean people, not care one bit that they are mean, and not only tolerate them but respect them in spite of it. So why is that so amazing to me? I guess I have this sense of equality that says everyone should treat others with mutual respect, and when some people don't its like they are trying to lower you -make you unequal by demeaning you. Of course they can't make you "unequal" with just their words -they can only lesson you to the degree that you allow them to. Ultimately they lower themselves with their behavior, and respecting them in spite of it might just be a way of lifting them back up again -of saying "welcome back to humanity, I hope you enjoy your stay."

Personality conflicts, and value conflicts I think should be the first things to fall away (be put aside) when serious work needs to be done, and yet they often seem to be the hardest issues to resolve. Obviously we can't leave either our values or are personalities at the door, but it would be nice if we could rank them substantialy lower on our priority list when we have common goals and needs that need to be addressed. I think learning to make friends with "mean people" could be a step in the right direction.